materialism – Things You Don't Know about China http://thingsyoudontknowaboutchina.com Society, culture, discourse Mon, 28 Aug 2017 21:38:06 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.7.11 Surviving the Chinese New Year http://thingsyoudontknowaboutchina.com/surviving-the-chinese-new-year/ http://thingsyoudontknowaboutchina.com/surviving-the-chinese-new-year/#comments Tue, 31 Jan 2012 14:39:33 +0000 http://thingsyoudontknowaboutchina.com/?p=777 Continue Reading →]]> For most Chinese, the week-long Chinese New Year vacation has just ended. Hundreds of millions of Chinese have returned from their parents’ homes back to where they work or go to school, accomplishing, almost magically, the most challenging travel of the year.

But if you think that travel is the only challenge of the New Year, you’re too naive. How can you forget the relatives? Yes, relatives, families, those people whom you haven’t talked to for a whole year but sadly share some genes with, or those who are connected to you solely with some kind of arbitrary marital ties. Sure, we Chinese value our families, but time has changed. The week-long celebration of the Chinese New Year with extended families can be overwhelming to younger generations. Emerging from the New Year celebration, many young Chinese are now sharing their love and loathing of these holiday family reunions on social media.

One of the things that annoys and in many cases “scares” young (or young-ish) Chinese during those family reunions is their parents’ and inquisitive relatives’ persistent interest in their personal lives, especially the part about marriage and money. On weibo.com, one of the most popular microblogging websites in China, a poll, which asks”When you’re back (to your parents’) home for the New Year, what are the most annoying questions you get?,” shows that 65 percent of respondents chose “Do you have a boy/girlfriend this year?” and 63 percent chose “Where do you work? How much do you make a month?” The poll allows each respondent to choose up to two answers, and these are the two most popular answers, with percentages significantly higher than the third ranking answer “How was the year? Much much money did you make?” with a 13-percent popularity.

Traditionally, it is not only acceptable but also expected from senior relatives to ask younger people about their love life, marriage or kids. Same is true with questions about their income. To the older generations, this is a gesture of love and caring, but to most Chinese who are in their 20s and 30s, it is nothing but intrusive. Also, as young Chinese are increasingly faced with employment and economic pressure, more and more of them choose to give up dating and delay to have a family so they can focus on their career. Questions about love life and money can only remind them of the pressure and anxiety that they try to escape especially at a time of holiday celebration. No wonder on weibo.com, netizens gave these questions a name: the questions of “poisonous tongue” (dushe wenti or 毒舌问题).

For many young women, the expectations of marriage from their family and those of career success from society can be overwhelming. “Every New Year the pressure is on,” writes a young woman, “with so many relatives, the older ones and the younger ones, as a single young woman in between, my wallet is pretty tight! Plus (I’m) asked repeatedly when to get married, or whether I have a boyfriend! Before I have a successful career, I won’t consider getting married! Why does happiness have to involve a family and children?” While choices like this are quite common among young women in China nowadays, they’re still hard for older generations to digest.

Similar pressure is shared by young men, who are supposed to make money and provide for a family so that the family name will continue. These expectations can make some young men quite bitter. “During the New Year at home, some people asked you how much money you made each month, some asked you when you would get married, some asked you about your plans after the holidays,” a man writes, “but they seldom asked you: Are you happy and content? (an emoticon of a sad face).” Another man writes, “You know what is more annoying than being asked by your relatives about your girlfriend when you don’t have one? That’s when your relatives ask you, not knowing that you and your girlfriend broke up a year ago, ‘Why don’t you bring your girl?’ ‘How’s your girl?’ etc.”

What’s more frustrating to young people is that, despite their aversion to these questions, they are supposed to show respect to their senior relatives and answer their questions politely. To shut up her parents’ endless inquiry about her love life, a young woman lied that she was into girls. “After a week of silence,” she writes, “they said, ‘Next time bring your girlfriend back and let us have a look at her!'” Yes, Chinese parents are persistent.

From the New Year experience shared online, one can see a generational cultural change. Compared to their parents’ generation, Chinese youth expect more personal space and more respect given to younger people, including children. Based on people’s comments on the topic, weibo.com summarized ten New Year’s taboo questions:

1. Are you seeing someone? When are you getting married?

2. Son, where are you ranked in your class?

3. How much money did you make last year?

4. What did you eat to get so fat?

5. How’s your job?

6. (To kids) Why can’t you greet people properly? You’re a big boy/girl!

7. How old are you? (Implying the kid is too old to receive the lucky money.)

8. You’re not planning on going to grad school?

9. You can’t recognize me now? I carried you when you where a kid!

10. When are you going to buy a house?

These questions used to be acceptable in China, but nowadays, they are considered offensive, intrusive or simply embarrassing.

Chinese New Year is a time of giving. Families exchange gifts and the older relatives give younger ones lucky money wrapped in red envelopes. But some people complain that materialism these days has turned the New Year into a time when relatives show off their wealth at family gatherings. Even those who do not have much are pressured to match their wealthier relatives’ giving so as not to “lose face.” A netizen summarizes this materialist trend of the New Year with some fun word play:

Spending the New Year with less than 10,000 yuan ($1,585) is hard… The “Spring Festival” (chunjie or 春节) has turned into the “Spring Robbery” (chunjie or 春劫)… New Year greetings (bainian or 拜年) have turned into “money worshiping” (baiqian or 败钱)… The lucky money has turned into a “face-saving project” (mianzi gongcheng or 面子工程)… “Looking forward to the New Year” (pan guonian or 盼过年) has turned into “being scared of the New Year” (pa guonian or 怕过年) — (This is) the New Year, with less and less a festive flavor but more and more the smell of money.

The lesson learned? If you’re young, single or poor in China, be thankful that the awkward and stressful time of the New Year is finally over.

]]> http://thingsyoudontknowaboutchina.com/surviving-the-chinese-new-year/feed/ 2 Love Comes with a Price Tag, and a Return Policy Too: Controversy over New Marriage Law Interpretations http://thingsyoudontknowaboutchina.com/love-comes-with-a-price-tag-and-a-return-policy-too-controversy-over-new-marriage-law-interpretations/ http://thingsyoudontknowaboutchina.com/love-comes-with-a-price-tag-and-a-return-policy-too-controversy-over-new-marriage-law-interpretations/#respond Fri, 19 Aug 2011 17:05:49 +0000 http://thingsyoudontknowaboutchina.wordpress.com/?p=577 Continue Reading →]]> “Marriage Law Interpretations, the Third Edition,” (Interpretations) recently issued by the Supreme Court and effective since August 13, 2011, is perhaps the most controversial Marriage Law interpretations in China. According to the Interpretations:

  • In case of paternity testing, refusal of testing establishes the other party’s position;
  • Yields and accretions of premarital personal property is not considered common property;
  • The property purchased by the parents of one party in the marriage for this party is considered personal property of this party;
  • Immovable property purchased by one party before marriage belongs to the registered owner;
  • In case of contested divorce, the articles concerning property settlement in the premarital agreement are void.

Essentially, the Interpretations focuses on two aspects that have been increasingly contested in divorce cases in China: property settlement and the weight of extramarital affairs in divorce cases. That’s not surprising to anybody who has been following what’s going on in China. The soaring housing prices, rampant extramarital affairs of married men, and the still huge gap between genders in terms of social and economic status have been the problems behind many divorce battles. The Interpretations is a new measure in the Supreme Court’s attempt to deal with these issues. If marriage has come with a price tag in China since the country embraced the market economy, now it has a return policy as well.

With little doubt, Chinese public’s reaction to the Interpretations has been passionate. In a widely circulated post, the author “Zhang Lei CYU” interprets the Interpretations and predicts its potential consequences:

  1. As soon as the new Marriage Law was issued, countless families lost their equilibrium; what this one stone has stirred up is more than a thousand waves;
  2. From now on, the husband approximates the landlord;
  3. Those women who hope to become rich by marrying someone will only end up in tragedy;
  4. Tonight will be a night of men’s relief and women’s sleeplessness;
  5. Guys, hurry up and make money, making sure to buy a house before getting married, and then you’ll have a unmovable house and a stream of wives;
  6. Girls, work hard and make money to buy a house on your own, for from now on, men are just floating clouds;
  7. The developers are laughing, and countless parents have to consider buying houses for their daughters just in case; the housing prices will never come down now;
  8. The lovers who are planning to get married are faced with unprecedented challenge; countless couples will split because of disagreement on whether the bride’s name should be written in the deed;
  9. More women will be cautious to get married, and those who are married will be cautious to get a divorce;
  10. Many women can be penniless overnight;
  11. China has returned back to a patriarchal society
  12. Before tonight, many people (especially men) were afraid of divorce because of property settlement concerns, and for this reason love was not pure; after tonight, many people (especially women) will be afraid of divorce for the fear of getting nothing, and for this reason love is not pure; yet from a different perspective, for women, love can become purer: this time, you don’t need to suspect that I marry you for your house, do you?
  13. The parents of the groom now can buy houses happily;
  14. The marriage license has since become a piece of waste paper, no longer having any attached value;
  15. Women all have to become strong career women, and more and more men will go about buying groceries, looking after kids, and knitting;
  16. If the groom paid the down payment before getting married, and the deed has only the bride’s name on it, after the wedding the wife can refuse to pay for the mortgage, and the couple won’t have a life but “cooperation” together.

The author then concludes that:

  1. This Interpretations seems to be reasonable, timely and fair, but it doesn’t take into consideration several realities of marriages in China: First, in China, it’s most likely that the husband will be the one who pay for housing; two, men are more likely to have extramarital affairs; three, which is the most important point, family is not only a house.
  2. Tonight, love is face with unprecedented challenge;
  3. I don’t know how to believe in love.

Many netizens who have commented on this post also lament the lost of innocence in this “crazy times.” However, few realized that marriage has never been so innocent anyway. The question needs to be asked is, whether the Interpretations or the public’s interpretations of Interpretations resolve or begin to resolve the deeply rooted problems that have contributed to Chinese youth’s anxiety surrounding marriage, namely, the inequality between genders, the inequality in distribution of wealth, and the lack of a consistent value system in today’s China. Indeed, an overlooked consequence of the Interpretations is a more heated gender war among Chinese youth.

Speaking from a female position, another widely circulated post is far more sarcastic and combative. In this post, the anonymous author gives women advice in the post-new-Interpretations era:

  1. Keep your own salary. Don’t help pay the mortgage. Wait until you have enough money, buy a house and say that your parents have given it to you as a gift. Then rent it out and pay the mortgage.
  2. Every money, the two of you put the same amount of money into a fund for living expenses.
  3. When you want to have a child, check and see how much money it costs to use a surrogate mother, and request the husband to pay for the same amount of money. If he doesn’t have that money, ask him to write an IOU and notarize it.
  4. Each time when you two have sex, check how much a prostitute charges, and because you’re cleaner than a prostitute, charge [your husband] twice as much. If your husband doesn’t have money, ask him to write an IOU and notarize it.
  5. About your child’s family name, if the child is named after you, it’s free of charge. If the child is named after your husband, as in the case of surrogate mother, he has to pay. If he doesn’t have that money, ask him to write an IOU and notarize it.
  6. Housework is equally divided between you two. If your husband use the excuse that his career is more important to try to get away from doing housework, check how much it cost to hire a domestic worker, and keep the book. Then ask your husband for money. If he doesn’t have money, ask him to write an IOU and notarize it.
  7. If your parents are sick, find an hourly helper, or take care of them yourself. If his parents are sick, send an hourly helper and keep the book. You don’t even need to show up.
  8. In terms of your child’s education, the time for helping with the child’s homework should be divided and schedule for each of you. If your husband can’t do it, he has to pay for it at a standard tutor’s rate. If he doesn’t have money, ask him to write an IOU.
  9. You’d better rent a place. Don’t live in your husband’s house. Otherwise you have to be careful not to step on his toes all the time.
  10. On holidays, you two go visit your own respective parents.
  11. Your body belongs to you, and you can decide what to do with it. If another man gives you money, things, houses and cars, let him have you. It’s worth it. Your husband has no right to protest.
  12. Girls, when you’re young, try every means to make money. Making money is all that matters. Only when you have enough money and buy a house, can you be assured that you won’t become homeless when you’re old and lose your looks.

This world is this cruel. If you want to survive, you don’t have other choice.

Sadly, while seemingly taking the women’s side, this author clearly equates women’s value to sex, reproduction, and domestic service in relation to men. Yet more sadly, what is lacking in the public discourse surrounding this issue is precisely a feminist voice that interrogates the power structure in place that’s based on gender differences and advocates for women’s rights, their protection and the elevation of their socioeconomic status in society in general, including and beyond the family.

As to love, I believe that it’s defined by people in particular cultural contexts. Sadly, in today’s China, where materialism and consumerism have become imperatives imposed on people, perhaps it is accurate to define love in economic terms, like what netizen 月林飞霜 writes: “If your love is true, put your girl’s name on your deed! This is the only way to test true love!”

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]]> http://thingsyoudontknowaboutchina.com/love-comes-with-a-price-tag-and-a-return-policy-too-controversy-over-new-marriage-law-interpretations/feed/ 0 Holy Goddesses of China Trampling Men, and Singing Too http://thingsyoudontknowaboutchina.com/holy-goddesses-of-china-trampling-men-and-singing-too/ http://thingsyoudontknowaboutchina.com/holy-goddesses-of-china-trampling-men-and-singing-too/#comments Thu, 12 May 2011 23:37:40 +0000 http://thingsyoudontknowaboutchina.wordpress.com/?p=139 Continue Reading →]]> The term shengnu has been around for a while. It first appeared online and was listed as one of the 171 new words of 2007 by the Ministry of Education in China. Literally, shengnu means “leftover woman,” but, as a wordplay, it also sounds like “holy goddess.” This term is used by Chinese to refer to single women 25 years or older who have advanced degrees, a successful career, and a decent bank account. According Baidu Baike (the Chinese Wikipedia), the conservative estimate of the number of shengnu‘s in Beijing in 2008 is over 500,000. Shengnu population in other 1st-tier cities is most likely as staggering as that in Beijing. According to Baidu’s unofficial records, in Shanghai, the male-female ratio of single white-collar office workers is 2:8-3:7, and the number in Hong Kong and Shenzhen is 1:7. In many people’s eye, Shengnu‘s are independent, strong, and have higher standards for their husband candidates, which is often one of the reasons for their “leftoverness.” They are just too good for many men.

Initially, shengnu has a derogatory undertone, a creation by ill intended men as some say. But now, many shengnu’s in China have turned the tables and owned the word, with confidence and even pride. This confidence sometimes is based on pure materialist views on relationships and life in general, and itself can be a form of sexism, but it nevertheless is confidence, something Chinese women have been discouraged to have by society and even their families. The Communist Party of China has always claimed to promote gender equality. My parents’ and my generation of Chinese grew up believing “women can hold up half the sky,” a quotation from Mao. But the reality is, women in China have never enjoyed true equality with men socially, economically, or politically. They have been often used as resources by the state such as in 50’s, or sacrificed so men can have resources for economic and political success. Cultually, sexism has never died out in China and seems to be increasingly pervasive in various forms nowadays. Owning shengnu, to many independent single women, is a way to resist and, indeed, a personal triumph over the male dominant society.

The following music video, “No Car, No House,” is a good example of this confidence of shengnu. It features a song sang by a group of shengnu’s. It’s circulated widely on major Chinese video sharing sites such as tudou.com, ku6.com, and youku.com. The lyric is translated below.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YB9RcyUP_A]

Readers in China watch here: http://player.youku.com/player.php/sid/XMjUxNjY3NDY4/v.swf

“No Car, No House”

Golden Shengnu Edition

*Affectionate sunshine/On your face/Take a look at the young men around/Everyone’s like a woman

What a woman wants is a car and a house/Her biggest wish is to marry the right one

I ask you if you have a car and a house/My mom also asks you/How many bank accounts you have

If you don’t have a car/If you don’t have a house/Get out of my way and don’t block

I have a car and I have a house/I also have RMB in the bank

If you’re not as strong as I/Don’t expect me to surport you ’cause I’m not your mother

You don’t have a car/You don’t have a house/Don’t dream to have a hottie in your bed

Don’t pretend to be poor and drive a shabby BMW/Don’t pretend to be a boss and try to keep me *

[repeat *]

You don’t have a car/You don’t have a house/And you want to get married and be a groom

If your life is not yet affluent/Why should I go and wonder with you

You say that I’m realistic and I admit it/You accuse me of being materialistic and I won’t be hurt

A man should look like a man/Without a car and a house/Don’t dream of finding a bride

Lalala…

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